There is something about being a parent that can totally do things to you that you never thought you would do. I will be so honest, it has brought out the absolute crazy person in me. I have a friend that I talk to all the time and she is the friend I have chosen to just get it all out to, well, because not everyone needs to hear my moans and groans when most of the time I am super giddy about being a mom. But she ends up making me crack up about it all. But let me just share how it can turn any nice person crazy.
ME: Ben got woken up by a poop and was awake from 4:30am-5:45am. I went crazy. I was literally in my living room pacing around and crying out to God. I was sobbing and asking God why he would let his happen to me and I swore I would never have another baby again. That he knows I need sleep and that he needs to be a good Father and put Ben back to sleep. Then I texted Mike at work -He's wide awake. I feel like I could lose it. I am so tired and mad. I shouldn't have to be bouncing him and pacing him at 5am-
FRIEND: I know. My times I get like that are from 12-2am. It is like I am an entirely different person.
ME: Yeah, give me two screaming children at noon and I am totally calm. But an awake baby in the middle of the night puts me far past the end of me. I wish I could record myself and look at it in 10 years. I would be laughing so hard. Even now it seems so hilarious that I was begging God and sobbing just because my baby was awake for a bit at night.
FRIEND: I know, it is so embarresing. But in the moment, it just seems so final. Like this is how it is going to be forever.
ME: Yeah, it is so ridiculous that I did that, and I am so incredibly happy right now with my boys and would love to have another baby. The funny thing, even though I was being so dumb, it will probably happen again tonight if he is up.
FRIEND: I KNOW!!!!!
Ok, so I am sure no one was interested in that conversation, but it is good for me to get out. And my morning ended up being PERFECT with my boys. Ben was all smiles and Matthew was picture perfect happy today. He was handing out kisses to Ben and I all day and reading, coloring, talking, and playing cars on his FREAKING AMAZING race car track that Mike and his dad made. I seriously had so much fun and since Ben has been napping great, Matthew and I get some super playtime which is my favorite ever.