My Big Kid

There are so many different emotions going on with taking care of two kids. So many easy and wonderful things. And so many really difficult and frustrating things. One of the hardest things so far for me is how fast Matthew has had to grow up and kinda take 2nd sometimes. When baby has needs, it really comes first or quickly. So today when I told Matthew "no" to snacks and TV and that he had to find something to play with, he listened and he decided to start running around and giggle and wanted to wrestle me. So we started to wrestle and almost right away in all his laughter and Joy that he finally got to wrestle me, Ben woke up and needed to nurse right away. My heart broke for Matthew. I know it is ok, and all kids with siblings have to go through this. But my heart hurts for him so many moments in the day. The other day all he wanted to do was cuddle and when I finally got Ben to lay down for a nap I immediately popped in a movie and Matthew and i cuddled like no other. At one point I got up to get water and he reached his hands out to me and started to cry, saying "huuug". I knew he needed those cuddles and I was so thankful for that 45 minute movie that we got to be warm under the blanket together. I love my kids so much it hurts. Literally, my eyeballs and my knees hurt, but I really love them, it is all worth it.