Wednesday, April 27, 2011


matthew is starting to get on a more predicatble schedule and i am more confidant with him as i get to know him more. the beautiful thing about this, it is much easier to plan outings. maybe next week i will be blogging from the local coffee shop while sitting on their couch with my sleeping baby in the awesome sling during his 2-3 hr nap. wahooo. we shall see how it goes. he was already a champ at his first worship service on Easter. They had a loud worship band which he seemed to like the noise as well; slept through the whole thing. in the beginning i was nervous to bring matthew out in public in case he cried. i didnt want anyone to be bothered. but i got some good advice from my sister.

me: im just nervous to bring him out in public incase he cries. i dont want anyone to get annoyed.
nicole: public means that people have the right to leave whenever they want.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


babies feet are one of Gods best creations. they are also a cure to a stressful day or moment. all you have to do is look at, kiss, and play with a babies feet, and everything seems to be so much better. and let me tell you, matthew has REALLY good feet. ahhh. i love them.


It started at about midnight, 5 days past my due date. I had no signs of labor and so I went to bed without any expectation that labor would start. As soon as I got as cozy as I could next to my husband my stomach started cramping, and then again, and then again. So I got on facebook chat with my sister (who has 2 kids). While I let Mike sleep before I knew I was in labor for sure, my sister eventually confirmed to me within about 30 minutes that I was in labor. Ah!

I woke up Michael and we decided to start timing contractions. Awesome, just like that I was 3 minutes apart; the time they told us to call the hospital to come in. That was fast. So Mike packed the last of the bags while I relaxed in the shower and off we went.

I'm not about making myself sound all tough because I decided to do an all natural labor, but that was the plan and it is part of the story. It was a decision not to be "a hero", as people like to say, but because of some deep research and personal conviction. My goal was a water birth. Michael and I had NO clue what was ahead of us.

We made it to the hospital and I was confirmed to be in labor. It hurt like I expected and I had to stop talking and moving when contractions came, but it was doable. It was hard to believe what was actually happening. It was exciting at this point. So the exciting point happened for a bit, and then it took a turn. OHYMYGOSH. I can explain it the best I can but my memory is  fading. Which is a natural thing that happens to woman so that we decide to have more children, cause if I could fully remember it, I would not want another child.

So on. I had no idea it would be like it was. And I am having a very difficult time describing it. Lets just say that during a contraction, if my husband even slightly touched me with one tiny finger at just the wrong time, it would hurt a million times worse.

I really cannot explain labor. Here were just a few things that happened during it. Well. I was pissed at Eve fore eating the apple; causing the curse of more painful labor than what God orginialy created. I was pissed at my sister Nicole for helping me learn the amazing benefits of  natural child birth. I was so mad at her. I tried very hard to give up. I asked them to stop it. I asked them to do anything to make labor stop. And here it is, I had to push for 4 hours. FOUR HOURS.  At hour 3 of that, they gave me some medicine that just relaxed my body for a bit so that I could get my energy back to push again. It did not take the pain away one bit. It just helped me relax during contractions. Well after trying every position to push him out, the water, standing, on my side, every thing you can think of, it took its toll on Matthew. At hour 4, his heart rate dropped a ton. his head was stuck and compressed so he was losing oxygen. and this is the part where it got messy. all of a sudden, it was no longer just my amazing midwife and nurse. it was a ton of nurses, a doctor, respiratory, you name it. lots of people in the room. before i new it, she was cutting with no numbing, and suctioning him out. I was so scared. it was the most traumatic thing I had ever been through; my babies heart rate dropping and having no idea what to do.

after it was all done, 18 hours later, i had no idea why i put myself through it. were my convictions real and worth it? after the labor, my midwife told me that if i were to have had an epidural I would have ended up with an emergency c-section. i felt better about my decision. and even more. it was by far, an incredible intimate experience with my husband. he said, that watching me go through that made his love for me grow so much more, seeing how strong I could be for him and his son. we realized how well we really work together, and how well we can communicate even when i am in too much pain to talk. the midwife told michael that he was the best coach she had ever seen, and that the nurses in the hall were crying because they had never seen a couple so in love and with so much chemistry during labor. hearing that, made it all worth it for my relationship with my husband; looking into his eyes, while he is crying for me during a painful contraction, made me see how deeply he really loves me. looking back now, i am so thankful I did it. the end result would have been the same however i chose to do labor. i would have had matthew. but through my birth plan, we built an incredible relationship with our midwife, nurse, each other, and i realized how amazing God created a woman's body to be. how strong a woman's body is. and even though it was by far, really by far, the most unexplainable painful and traumatic thing i have ever done, if i had to do it again to have matthew, i would.

so im not a "hero" (or whatever people like to negatively call woman who do natural childbirth ). I am just a woman, who did what woman were perfectly created to do, and have every ability to do, no matter how small or large. its just beautiful.

typing, slings, wind

i am so behind on my blog its ridiculous. i have had a baby for 4 weeks and i feel like there is so much to say about the first month of being a first time mom. i get on the computer a lot more now because im nursing. it helps keep me awake in the middle of the night. sometimes i read, but in the middle of the night reading can make me sleepy. anyways, blogging is hard to do because when i am nursing i only can use one hand. well most of the time. i have mastered, at times, nursing with no hands. =) also, Matthew has decided that he wont sleep unless someone holds him. I try all day to lay him down, but I feel like the second I even step foot near his crib, his eyes pop right open. we are working on it, but sometimes he just needs his sleep more than being taught to sleep in his crib, that i have to hold him. and THAT makes it hard to get things done, and it makes it hard to type a significant blog without getting annoyed typing with one hand. so today. i have tried since 5pm to get him to nap, and i finally gave in. so i just stuck him in my sling. its beautiful. i am holding him but am hands free. so really. this blog is about how amazing a sling is so that my baby can sleep and so that i have two hands to write a blog about why i havent written a blog. oh, also this blog is about how amazing the sling is and how amazing some good gusts of wind in the great outdoors, combined, can make your child zonk right out.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Thank the Lord that I got over being so self-conscious before I got pregnant. It really was a waste of emotional energy to always be so concerned and worried with how I looked. And I do have to say, I still have 15 pounds till Im at my pre-pregnancy weight, but somehow I feel like I'm the smallest I have ever been. Mostly because it felt like I was pregnant forever and I compare my stomach to the pregnant days. I also gained much confidence in who I am as a woman, and how beautiful and strong a woman's body is after going through labor, that even though I am 15 pounds over my normal weight and have a couple stretch marks, I am more than ready and confident for bikini weather. =) =) although I also wore a bikini at a gym pool when I was 40 weeks pregnant. Let me tell you seriously how freeing that was.
it also helps to have a husband that tells you how pretty you are throughout the day. EVERY morning, I take my personal shower and getting ready time while Michael hangs with Matthew. And EVERY morning when Im done getting ready, Michael says, "Look son, at how pretty your mom is." That surely helps.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Ha Ha!

In the middle of the night last night I woke up to my husband laughing in his sleep. I was disappointed he didn't remember his dreams. I sure really want to know what was so funny! It was awesome.

matthew timothy

he is here. our sweet son. a blog to follow more on him and a little of his birth story. but right now, matt nathanson pandora station and my husband are keeping this new mama to keep going. a chest cold and a painful recovery make up for a clouded start to this parenting thing. though, matthew is beyond amazing. i cant wait to write a blog about him.