Sunday, February 24, 2013


I won't go into the exhausting, hilarious, and frustrating details, but I was at my parents the last four days and on this last day Matthew woke up at 4:15am and wouldn't go back to sleep. but when ben woke up at 5:45am to nurse he was unable to go back to sleep because of Matthew and I quickly stuck those kids in the car for a very early morning road trip back home with the magical help of their Grandma Bickel. I had 10 minutes of freakout in that time and slowly decided to tell myself, "we are family". this stuff will happen. we wake each other up and we go through it together. so i got in the car and turned on worship music. the first line of one of the songs was "Dear Jesus Christ my sanity".   I was laughing so hard. I wondered where my sanity went, and there he was. Jesus. and coffee. Thank you Jesus and coffee for my sanity so early in the morning.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


MICHAEL: "Wife. I need you start eating more bacon."

Speaking of Michael. We had two hours to ourselves last night. And we spent it laughing. Best medicine for fatigue. I think the slap happiness helped a little bit!

Oh. And we have spent the last three mornings at home. I have been in my PJ's. Every so often that is the best way to go. It has been so warm in our house and just lovely, cozy days. I think my throat hurts from ready books and singing songs. I am so happy. Quite possibly the happiest lady. Ever! Thankful for my boys and Man.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Night and Day

There is something about being a parent that can totally do things to you that you never thought you would do. I will be so honest, it has brought out the absolute crazy person in me. I have a friend that I talk to all the time and she is the friend I have chosen to just get it all out to, well, because not everyone needs to hear my moans and groans when most of the time I am super giddy about being a mom. But she ends up making me crack up about it all. But let me just share how it can turn any nice person crazy.

ME: Ben got woken up by a poop and was awake from 4:30am-5:45am. I went crazy. I was literally in my living room pacing around and crying out to God. I was sobbing and asking God why he would let his happen to me and I swore I would never have another baby again. That he knows I need sleep and that he needs to be a good Father and put Ben back to sleep. Then I texted Mike at work     -He's wide awake. I feel like I could lose it. I am so tired and mad. I shouldn't have to be bouncing him and pacing him at 5am-  

FRIEND: I know. My times I get like that are from 12-2am. It is like I am an entirely different person.

ME: Yeah, give me two screaming children at noon and I am totally calm. But an awake baby in the middle of the night puts me far past the end of me. I wish I could record myself and look at it in 10 years. I would be laughing so hard. Even now it seems so hilarious that I was begging God and sobbing just because my baby was awake for a bit at night.

FRIEND: I know, it is so embarresing. But in the moment, it just seems so final. Like this is how it is going to be forever.

ME: Yeah, it is so ridiculous that I did that, and I am so incredibly happy right now with my boys and would love to have another baby. The funny thing, even though I was being so dumb, it will probably happen again tonight if he is up.


Ok, so I am sure no one was interested in that conversation, but it is good for me to get out. And my morning ended up being PERFECT with my boys. Ben was all smiles and Matthew was picture perfect happy today. He was handing out kisses to Ben and I all day and reading, coloring, talking, and playing cars on his FREAKING AMAZING race car track that Mike and his dad made. I seriously had so much fun and since Ben has been napping great, Matthew and I get some super playtime which is my favorite ever.

Sunday, February 17, 2013


Today I didn't go to Ohio with the kids like I planned because Matthew has snot everywhere. Better to keep it in our own house huh? But it has been such a relaxing Sunday. Ben is taking the Sunday nap thing seriously, because he has only woken up to eat and stretch his legs  only to go nap again and the only frustrating part of my day is when Matthew decided to restructure my perfectly thought out lego castle. And I feel pretty successful because I figured out I  can put a baby to sleep while I exercise my legs with exercise band. Score. Multitasking is at a whole new level around here.

Also, I decided that God honestly made coffee for parents with little ones. It's no joke. Procrastinating college students think it was made for them, but there is no choice with these crazy short people in my house disturbing my REM sleep. It is not a matter of taste or addiction around here. Coffee is a matter of good parenting, and I think God new it made for better parenting with little ones. Seriously!!! By 10am if I forgot my coffee it feels like a ton of bricks are sitting on top of my eyeballs, and coffee solves most of the problem. I mean, in 15 minutes i can go from falling asleep while reading Pooh books to doing leg lifts while building towers. It is amazing.

Well, happy Sunday everyone. Hope you enjoy your naps and coffee!

Saturday, February 16, 2013


MATTHEW:  "Baby Ben. Kiss"   And then he kisses Ben.

Oh, this is Love.

little feet

one night it takes 2 hours to get the baby to sleep and you feel like you are gonna fall over from a day with a toddler and the baby having been just right behind you. but then the next morning, you are playing with the babies little bare feet while he is snuggled up nursing after a warm bath and everything is right in the world. God knows how to keep moms going. And I think its in their little feet.

oh and ben smiled for the first time today, that helped.

Friday, February 15, 2013

My Grandpa

This is my Grandpa . One handsome man. And can't you just tell he was a professor?
He passed when I was baby. I sure would have loved to know him. From stories I hear he was very very intelligent and classy.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Happy Valentines Day. I spent it being sick and there were no candy hearts in bowls or pink pancakes for breakfast . But it was my first Valentines Day with having two kids and so they made it the best one so far. My little babies surely make me feel loved. And even though they still needed me to take care of them all day, they made me feel so loved by still wanting to spend time with me. I love my kids and I couldn't be happier even when one is trying to climb up my body while I am trying to bounce the other one while making lunch when i can hardly see anything because my eyes are watering from my head cold; it is exactly where I want to be. I love them so much!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Just a few mommy confessions for the week.

-The other day I fed Matthew Tortilla chips for lunch. That was it. Plain tortilla chips.

- I fell asleep for the first time while Matthew was not sleeping. Baby was sleeping, but Matthew was not, and we was not in his crib or watching TV. I have no idea what he did for a half an hour. I just woke up to a DVD disc being smashed in my face with a toddler laughing saying, "ma? ma?"

That's all for now that I'm willing to admit ;)  Many more to come.

Oh, but we did take our first walk as a family today outside. Thanking Jesus for a little break in the weather. A whopping 40 degrees. Woohoo. The boys loved it.  AND Matthew had his first Valentines day party. It was crazy. Tons of kids under 4 years old. WOW! 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

1 month

One Month Old Ben -

Loves being swaddled (most of the time)
Loves when I sing and say "shhh" in his ear
Gags on the pacifier (which is fine since I nurse and would rather comfort him that way, Ive only tried it at 3am when I am desperate. lol)
Sleeps a lot
Eats like a Champion.
Has great lungs
Doesn't cry long
Likes to be put flat on the ground when he is awake and happy
Falls asleep in Mikes arms in minutes
Is THE best snuggler (equal to his brother)
Let's me wear him in my baby wrap carriers sometimes. Which I love. Sleeping baby on my body. Calms anyone down. I don't get to hold him much when he is asleep, but I love when he falls asleep and snuggles close in my wraps
Everything about him is cute

He makes me want another baby......Shhhhhh....DO NOT tell Mike!! hehe. 


When Matthew napped today Ben was up for part of it and I loved that I got some great one on one time with him. We kissed and held hands, and he cooed and kicked his legs. And he gave me a smirk while he cooed. and I fell even more in love with him. Every day I get to know this boy a little bit more and falling in love with him every day a lot more.

Monday, February 11, 2013


Zechariah (4 yrs) (said this on monday) - "Spiderman is sick today mom"

Me: "How can we make it better?"

Zechariah: "When it is Tuesday."

Me: "Oh! So he will feel better tomorrow?"

Zechariah: "Yah!"

Out and About

Practice makes perfect right? That is how I feel about getting out of the house with two kids. One being only a month old and nursing a lot. But even if things go a little messy, it is still so worth it to me to get out and practice. We had lots of fun today at playgroup and thanks to my awesome new double stroller, it made life even easier. And even though I have a toddler trying to climb on my lap for hugs while my baby is eating, and sometimes that toddler likes to bolt for the men's bathroom while I'm nursing, or I notice he runs into a table when I am nursing, we make it. And even when Ben cries in public and Matthew needs a diaper change at the same time, we make it. And we figure it out. And getting out when I don't really have my coordination of two kids down quite yet is really working on my "getting over myself" plan I have. I used to and still do get embarrassed when I don't look like I have it together. But challenging myself when I am out and about to just let it go and let people stare is just the thing I need to get over myself and just let my kids be kids, and let us go out and have fun even if we have a moment or two. It is so worth it and good to look back on and laugh. So I guess I will keep practicing getting around because it is worth the fun (and matthew and I go bonkers and stir crazy SO fast), even though it probably won't ever look perfect.

My kids are precious. Did I ever mention that? And my little boys fell asleep for their naps at the same time again today and the quiet is ever so precious, just as precious as those first little morning shouts. Speaking of mornings, if Matthew gets up before Ben in the morning, I bring him to my bed, keep the lights off and shut the door and I go back to sleep. He just lays there forever or sits in silence and lets me sleep while he cuddles up.  And then about 30 minutes later I feel little toddler kisses on my face and lots of babbling and then I hear "EAT".  It is soooo nice of him and sweet and he has done it a lot.  Happy Monday!!!!!!!

Friday, February 8, 2013


left little ben out in his bouncy seat so i could go cuddle matthew in his room for a while before bed. came back to ben and he was closing his eyes as i came out of matthews room. both kids went to bed at the EXACT same time tonight. MAGICAL! SCORE! They love their mama. Now to get ready for my parents to stay the night!


Mother and children reading a book i by dasha11 - Stock Photo

I just found these pictures online. It is amazing how in the same household, you can find both of these scenarios happen within minutes of each other.  In one minute I think to myself how in the world will this moment ever resolve itself, because I sure don't have the effort to resolve it for them, and the next moment, they are happy as pie and make me think I am a pro at these, even tho they somehow just resolved it on the own because dear goodness I have no idea what the heck I am doing. hahaha! Oh, I sure love my life.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

My Big Kid

There are so many different emotions going on with taking care of two kids. So many easy and wonderful things. And so many really difficult and frustrating things. One of the hardest things so far for me is how fast Matthew has had to grow up and kinda take 2nd sometimes. When baby has needs, it really comes first or quickly. So today when I told Matthew "no" to snacks and TV and that he had to find something to play with, he listened and he decided to start running around and giggle and wanted to wrestle me. So we started to wrestle and almost right away in all his laughter and Joy that he finally got to wrestle me, Ben woke up and needed to nurse right away. My heart broke for Matthew. I know it is ok, and all kids with siblings have to go through this. But my heart hurts for him so many moments in the day. The other day all he wanted to do was cuddle and when I finally got Ben to lay down for a nap I immediately popped in a movie and Matthew and i cuddled like no other. At one point I got up to get water and he reached his hands out to me and started to cry, saying "huuug". I knew he needed those cuddles and I was so thankful for that 45 minute movie that we got to be warm under the blanket together. I love my kids so much it hurts. Literally, my eyeballs and my knees hurt, but I really love them, it is all worth it.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Our Days

How we spend our days is so important, it's how we spend our life. There is a song that says, "Where you invest you love, you invest your life."

This video made our hearts full one night. Mike and I watched it and it just hit us hard. Few things are as beautiful as this - as people who rescue the fatherless and adopt!

Friday, February 1, 2013


Just me and the boys home tonight. Baby wakes up right after dinner. Right after Matthew woke up from his nap, I had 3 hours while Ben napped to play cars and bubbles and cars till dinner. We saved his movie time till Ben woke up so I put Matthew on the couch next to me while I nursed Ben. Matthew leans in as far as he can into my shoulder, puts his hand on Ben and says "baby", leans up and kisses me and cuddles in deeper. I let Ben nurse as long as possible so I don't have to leave that moment. Of both of them there. in their favorite spots. One cuddling mom while watching Veggie Tales, the other getting warm milk and we all three were so happy. SO Happy. Then we got in PJ's and read books and sang songs till the baby fell asleep and then the big kid went to sleep. And it was just perfect.

This Week

This week was wonderful. I had one rough morning, but after some advice from my husband, none of that crazy back breaking stuff was a problem. And I got to take them out a few times this week and we had so much fun getting out while dad was gone. The daytime alone with the boys is SO easy to me compared to being up at night. I may have told God that I would go through a natural labor again if it meant sleeping through the night forever and ever from hear on out. That says a lot. And I may have said other things that I won't post. Did I mention middle of the nights with an infant are the hardest thing for me so far in my two years of being a mom? Yah. If we are being honest. Other moms say things like "Oh, at least my kids make 4am worth being up." and I'm all like " Oh Dear Lord, just make morning get here so I can have coffee if I am going to have to be awake." They still make 4am worth it, it is just literally painful to be awake sometimes!! =)

But my kids are beautiful and after I woke up this morning with my little baby next to me in my arms( I don't know how he got there) I was so in awe of his beauty and the sun just shining on his perfect sleeping face. Mercies are new every morning, that is for sure.

And my appetite is off the roof. I was concerned. But little Ben is eating soooo good that my calories I eat have went up up up. So my desire for cooking and baking has dramatically increased. I have never made so many homemade meals and baked so many things in one week. It kinda makes me feel like super housewife. I hope the avocado hummus and super duper healthy cookies in the oven will be a hit with my Matthew!

Matthew amazes me with his transition to being a brother. He adores Ben and he has matured so much it is actually sometimes hard for me to believe he could change so much in just 3 weeks. I love him dearly.

Husband and I are yet in another season of growing in our marriage. It is always good to add a good stress. Good thing we are a great team, because the exhausting nights sure have put extra little tones in our voices that make for lots of forgiving. Forgiving is such a good thing. I love him dearly and we are learning yet more and more about our own characters that are good and need changing! I appreciate the seasons in our lives that do that to us. It always makes us more powerfully in love! 

Well, the nice morning with all my guys is almost closing with Mike going to work soon. Cookies baking, Ben napping, and Mike and Matthew playing cars in the living room for what seems like forever is making this moment beautiful and peaceful. I love everything about the chaos and the quiet moments.