Saturday, July 30, 2011

as of late

just a bundle of adorableness that hangs out with me all day.

                             (i love this one. he was napping on his belly on the living room floor, and he was so cute when he woke up. just looking around, smiling, with his little head popped out. ahhhh)

Friday, July 29, 2011


so tuesday. we move to MI. we are moving right across the street from mikes parents. the general public (not anyone i know), but tv shows and just society, would say it is crazy to live by your inlaws. but, i disagree in this situation. its gonna be good stuff. i am so excited to move and live in our own place for the first time in 2 years so we can establish our little family. and i know i may have sounded a bit negative towards MI in the last blog, its not that i dont like it, and im ready to make it my home again even if it somehow ends up to be only for a short time. my mother always tells me to bloom where i am planted. so i tend to bloom a bit in Michigan.


it was said almost like this after i sobbed my little eyes out to my mama C...

"baby girl. you need to watch out for A.N.T.S. That is, automatic negative thinking syndrome.  And baby girl, when those thoughts come into your head you need to stomp on them and start thanking Jesus. Thank Jesus that you have a baby who has lungs so he can cry, and who has eyes who can look at you. When those thoughts come into your head, you pull out your sword, and get on your two feet and tell the devil he is a liar. Because you are a Mighty woman of God and Michael is a Mighty man of God and you are warriors in his kingdom. And you don't tolerate the enemies lies in your head, because you are loved, and you are a wonderful mother and a wonderful wife. So thank Jesus and stomp on those ANTS."    

Thats from a skype date with my mama C right there. My spiritual mama that is. I may have almost ended the day claiming it was a bad day if it wasn't for her. 

and pappy, well he was there too. and as we talked about matthew's tininess, he gave the advice to give him biscuits and lots of gravy. yes. those two people are my southern parents. =) I love them.

my not favorite me

some days,  I am the person I don't want to be. I say stupid things and hurt people. I do what I am against. I hate those days. I go in circles in my thoughts. And I just want to take things back. I say stupid things out of my own pain, I know it. I push people away. But i remind myself that God forgives those days. I believe that. And I believe that if I sulk too much, it becomes about me, and not about Christ. I choose to believe that I am still loved by God today!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


how can you not kiss these cheeks ALL DAY!!!?

Dear Four Month Old Matthew

Dear Matthew,

You are four months old now and looking back at these past four months is so fun to do. I am in tears remembering the first time I held you. After four hours of trying to push you out, I finally got to hold you. I remember how the only way I could get you to stop crying was to put your little hand in my mouth. You liked that for some reason. I remember your little mouth, so softly and hesitantly, trying to nurse for the first time. I remember how off the charts gorgeous you were, straight out of the womb. I remember your dad, just in awe of you. He was so overwhelmed with his love for you and wanted to do everything he could to take care of you.

Since coming home from the hospital we have all been on quite a journey. You had a bit of a tough start. Lots of gas. You would cry and cry and cry, and then you would poop and be ok. =) There were times you would only fall asleep if I was holding you. I dont know how at just a few weeks old you could have such a preference, but you did. There were times it would take us almost 7 hours just to get you to sleep. I remember that we could not get you to stop crying, and you seemed to be in so much pain, that your daddy and I just cried with you while your wrapped your hands around our finger. You built up lots of endurance in your parents. You have always been very cuddly. You loved to sleep with me in the beginning until one day I woke up to you face down in our bed, so that never happened again. We then would put the crib next to our bed with the rail down, and I would sleep with my hand on your chest. You loved that, and would often fall asleep just by that.

You have the reputation for your amazing faces, and for your extreme observation skills. you are always looking and observing. i brought you to your daddy's basketball game and you couldnt keep your eyes off the game. i have to cover your crib or you look around too much and cannot sleep. people, strangers are ALWAYS commenting on how alert and observant you are. I wish i knew what you were thinking, your eyebrows look so serious sometimes. you seem to always be coming up with some plan. i love that about you.

you also have the most heart melting smile. sometimes you give a smirk kinda smile. your eyes glisten when you smile, and sometimes when you smile at someone you turn your head to the side like you are flirting. it is so cute. i often catch you starring at someone with a half smirk on your face. you will just stare them down until i inform them that you are waiting for their attention. the second they look at you, that little smirk turns into a full out grin. you just love people. i love that about you.

I love your babble. you love to squeak loud. the times you talk the most are often to your dad in the mornings, when i kiss your face a bunch of times before naps and you try to lick my face. you talk so much when i kiss you. you also talk a bunch when i give you a massage. it is so sweet.

your dad and i love when you poop. and we know when you are going to poop before we hear it coming. you will stop all movement, slouch your back if im holding you while your sitting, and give a droopy face. it is so adorable, and we always call that poop is coming. and sure enough. your daddy and I love how you sometimes grunt after your poop too. i think your daddy is the most proud about that one.

i more and more cannot get enough of you. its insane. even when you keep us up all night, you start the morning out with a huge beautiful smile, and your daddy and I always look at each other and laugh, and just say, "oh, you are just so lucky you are cute". You are worth the sleep deprivation for sure.

I love bringing you in the morning and waking up your still sleeping daddy. you love chilling in your diaper and laying on his bare chest. the other day you just had your belly across him and took your hand and played with his beard, just talking and smiling your little heart out.

you sometimes roll over now, and you love to grab your feet. and you seriously found your thumb today, which is adorable.

you hate and scream in the car seat, and it breaks every ones heart.

your feet are the greatest and your hands are beginning to reach out and grab things.

i love nursing you. you are now taking breaks while you nurse (if you aren't inhaling) and stopping in the middle of your meal to look up and smile at me. tonight you did that so many times, just making sure i was paying attention to you while you were eating. it is so sweet. daddy was sitting next to us the other day while you were eating, and you would stop and turn your head as far back just to look at him too.

you are such a happy baby and so fun to be around.

i love you matthew

love, mom

freeeeedom! yah!

im a doer. i like to do a lot. its what makes me feel worthy. but when i  feel like im not doing enough i am hard on myself. i know that first and foremost life isn't about my good works but it is about being loved by God. we are worthy because God loves us freely; no other action on our part.

but my doing spills over into my christian walk unintentionally. as Christians we tend to have a checklist creating a caged lifestyle of Christianity, rather than a freestyle.
my mentor told me something today that was so profound. she said at the end of the day, you just need to ask yourself, "did I do what the holy spirit asked me to do today?"
i told her that it sounded like "doing" again.
but she corrected me. the caged style, the checklist is more like this. did i pray today? did i read my bible today? did i love like i was suppose to today? did i go toy church this week? did i show someone compassion? did i fast on the monday like i said i would do? because of our checklist we often leave no room for flexibility. we then begin to feel guilty if we sway from our checklist routine. and guilt is not from the Lord.

but what if we lived the feestyle way? what if the holy spirit is saying to skip your morning prayer time on your porch and he really wants you to take a walk down the street so you can minister to someone. or maybe the spirit really needs you to sit and soak in worship music rather than the 5 chapters of Luke you are trying to cram into the day. what if we missed God telling us to go out to lunch with a friend who wants to love on us because we are determined to stick to a fast. not that any of those are bad; if, and only if the spirit is telling you to do it. if you dont do something and feel guilty about it, its an action driven by your own will. not the Lords. all that to say, the Holy spirit isnt so caged like, he doesnt have checklists. he is more like the wind. THAT sure brings lots of freedom; kinda takes the pressure off.

This Lord is the Spirit. Wherever the Lord's Spirit is, there is freedom.    2 Corinthians 3:17

all in front of us

hugs, kisses, mountains, rainbows, the ocean, dolphins, our brains, birth, a child, sex, miracles, tornadoes, thunder, fire, a heartbeat, music, languages, nerves, muscles, tears, laughter, joy,  pain, flight, plants, healing herbs, photosynthesis, flowers, hummingbirds, butterflies, lions, holding hands, friendship, marriage, stars, moon, sunset, sunrise, baby feet, baby lips, breast feeding, a smile, funny faces, compassion, forgiveness. ok. so where is the lack of evidence? the religion of atheism (or whatever you want to call not believing in God), is a religion that takes tons of faith; that is for sure. to believe that the beauty and dynamics of this world took no creativity by God, but was all random chance, sure takes tons of faith because its not like God doesn't smack us in the face with his fingerprints everyday.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

my tribute to ohio, and the move to michigan

so its been a month now that we have been waiting on a call to find out if mike got a job in MI. we knew we were growing out of my parents basement and we were ready for our next move. if he got the job in MI we were going to move there, and if not, the plan was to stay here in Ohio and get a place here. we were talking the other day about how we really didnt mind where we ended up. we were just ready to move on. we prayed for the best situation while mike was taking classes. well yesterday, mike got the call that he got the job at royal oak beaumont hospital. the call i have been anticipating and wanted him to get since it was great opportunity. but when the call came, i all of a sudden had a wave of sadness. the last few times i have been back to Michigan it has started to become a place I visit. not home anymore. it has been two years since i have lived there so it was only to be expected; and i move on from things pretty easy for the most part. at least i think so. i think the sadness hit because of all that we went through living in OH. living with great friends for part of it. going through pregnancy. falling deeply in love with our midwife. we fell in love with our church and started to feel very connected. i was making new friends and recently found a mentor. i love OH. the people are so friendly and the areas we have lived in, the pace is easy going, the drivers are nice and there are some beautiful parks. very beautiful parks. strangers say hello and talk to each other. we have loved living with my parents and sister. they have become great friends and we have a lot of fun memories. we have gone to them when we needed advice and they have given us great direction for life. we have learned so much about wise financial decisions that i believe we wouldn't have learned so dramatically if we stayed in MI after the race. 

so. we are moving to Michigan. a place i loved and still do love. i always told God i wanted to be back in Detroit at least for a small period of time in my life. and here i go. i have wonderful memories and friends in MI. and though i have made sweet friends in other places, it will be fun to see what has changed in the last 2 years for people. my sister and her husband and kiddos are amazing examples to me and i always need them for some wisdom. i also have some amazing friends whose wisdom i cant wait to gain face to face. and im sure mikes family wont be too sad to live near their grandson for some time.
when we found out the news we were at peace about the move. but both of us felt a bit sad. we felt like we finally had a groove going, and here we go; moving again. but i choose to be excited. and i choose to plug in again, and i choose to be intentional and even though it is going back to a lot of old things that i was ready to move on from, i choose to believe it will be a whole new different life experience. i really am excited. and although all the lights and stop and go traffic and urgent driving (that used to be me) has been a bit overwhelming when i go back to visit, i am sure i will adapt and get used to it again.

i feel so blessed for the opportunity God has opened up for us. here we come, pure michigan

we are just living a life that allows surprises.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

mom day

i spent the afternoon with my mom.
so overdue on the quality time with her.
we first went to a mini airport with a mini parachute and plane show
i then showed her my favorite coffee shop that has a used bookstore in it
we shared a bowl of soup at panera
and went to the best consignment shop ever
and then to the library
and had a moment of tears over something very special
and made it home JUST in time for matthews next feeding
without rushing
i love my mom
and my day with her

 we had good variety in our day today
for all the shoe lovers out there
hanging at the consignment shop


i love that my husband just winked at me on his way out the door. i love flirting.

Friday, July 1, 2011