Friday, June 24, 2011
it really doesnt stop
i think the one thing about being a mom that i need to embrace is that there will always be something to "work on". lets use sleep for example. when matthew was first born it was so difficult to calm him down to sleep. sometimes he would go up to 7 hrs without sleeping. we would try everything and anything. at one point i could get him to calm down by sucking on my finger, but then that got inconvenient so i tried to give him the pacifier. he didnt ever really take that well, so we kept working on it. then he took the pacifier and with lots of bouncing would fall asleep but once we put him in the crib he would wake up. well eventually he would sleep in the crib at night time, which was awesome, so then it was time to work on him sleeping in the crib for naps. just recently we have worked hard and he is able to fall asleep in his crib for naps if i lay him down even awake. and now about 2 times in a 24 hr period he can fall asleep without the pacifier. but now we have to work on him staying in the crib for his entire nap because he always wakes up in the middle of it once his sleep cycle comes around back to light sleep and wants to be held the rest of his nap.. and im sure once i am able to get him to take his 3 long naps, fully in his crib, it will be time to get him down to 2 naps and then pretty soon wean him off the pacifier (i have a love hate relationship with it) we worked so hard to get him to take to fall asleep because nothing else worked. sometimes it feels like it never ends. and i need to learn how to rejoice in each little victory but i dont quite have my groove yet. i need to take a breather and regroup and realize its all the process of him growing up and learning new things. and that maybe this little tiny boy needs me to slow down and give him chance to practice one thing he has learned before we hop onto to the next skill one after the other. i cant be so uptight like i have been ahhh. im driving myself crazy. hes a very happy boy who i need to realize is only going to be dependent on me for so long, so i need to embrace that he needs his mama cuz one day it wont be that way. i gotta learn how to slow down and just let him be a baby. the second i expect perfectionism and happiness only when we succeed, hes got a tough little internal battle to face wondering if he will ever please his mama.