My Big Kid

There are so many different emotions going on with taking care of two kids. So many easy and wonderful things. And so many really difficult and frustrating things. One of the hardest things so far for me is how fast Matthew has had to grow up and kinda take 2nd sometimes. When baby has needs, it really comes first or quickly. So today when I told Matthew "no" to snacks and TV and that he had to find something to play with, he listened and he decided to start running around and giggle and wanted to wrestle me. So we started to wrestle and almost right away in all his laughter and Joy that he finally got to wrestle me, Ben woke up and needed to nurse right away. My heart broke for Matthew. I know it is ok, and all kids with siblings have to go through this. But my heart hurts for him so many moments in the day. The other day all he wanted to do was cuddle and when I finally got Ben to lay down for a nap I immediately popped in a movie and Matthew and i cuddled like no other. At one point I got up to get water and he reached his hands out to me and started to cry, saying "huuug". I knew he needed those cuddles and I was so thankful for that 45 minute movie that we got to be warm under the blanket together. I love my kids so much it hurts. Literally, my eyeballs and my knees hurt, but I really love them, it is all worth it.

Our Days

How we spend our days is so important, it's how we spend our life. There is a song that says, "Where you invest you love, you invest your life."

This video made our hearts full one night. Mike and I watched it and it just hit us hard. Few things are as beautiful as this - as people who rescue the fatherless and adopt!

Perfect

Just me and the boys home tonight. Baby wakes up right after dinner. Right after Matthew woke up from his nap, I had 3 hours while Ben napped to play cars and bubbles and cars till dinner. We saved his movie time till Ben woke up so I put Matthew on the couch next to me while I nursed Ben. Matthew leans in as far as he can into my shoulder, puts his hand on Ben and says "baby", leans up and kisses me and cuddles in deeper. I let Ben nurse as long as possible so I don't have to leave that moment. Of both of them there. in their favorite spots. One cuddling mom while watching Veggie Tales, the other getting warm milk and we all three were so happy. SO Happy. Then we got in PJ's and read books and sang songs till the baby fell asleep and then the big kid went to sleep. And it was just perfect.

This Week

This week was wonderful. I had one rough morning, but after some advice from my husband, none of that crazy back breaking stuff was a problem. And I got to take them out a few times this week and we had so much fun getting out while dad was gone. The daytime alone with the boys is SO easy to me compared to being up at night. I may have told God that I would go through a natural labor again if it meant sleeping through the night forever and ever from hear on out. That says a lot. And I may have said other things that I won't post. Did I mention middle of the nights with an infant are the hardest thing for me so far in my two years of being a mom? Yah. If we are being honest. Other moms say things like "Oh, at least my kids make 4am worth being up." and I'm all like " Oh Dear Lord, just make morning get here so I can have coffee if I am going to have to be awake." They still make 4am worth it, it is just literally painful to be awake sometimes!! =)

But my kids are beautiful and after I woke up this morning with my little baby next to me in my arms( I don't know how he got there) I was so in awe of his beauty and the sun just shining on his perfect sleeping face. Mercies are new every morning, that is for sure.

And my appetite is off the roof. I was concerned. But little Ben is eating soooo good that my calories I eat have went up up up. So my desire for cooking and baking has dramatically increased. I have never made so many homemade meals and baked so many things in one week. It kinda makes me feel like super housewife. I hope the avocado hummus and super duper healthy cookies in the oven will be a hit with my Matthew!

Matthew amazes me with his transition to being a brother. He adores Ben and he has matured so much it is actually sometimes hard for me to believe he could change so much in just 3 weeks. I love him dearly.

Husband and I are yet in another season of growing in our marriage. It is always good to add a good stress. Good thing we are a great team, because the exhausting nights sure have put extra little tones in our voices that make for lots of forgiving. Forgiving is such a good thing. I love him dearly and we are learning yet more and more about our own characters that are good and need changing! I appreciate the seasons in our lives that do that to us. It always makes us more powerfully in love! 

Well, the nice morning with all my guys is almost closing with Mike going to work soon. Cookies baking, Ben napping, and Mike and Matthew playing cars in the living room for what seems like forever is making this moment beautiful and peaceful. I love everything about the chaos and the quiet moments.