All In

Last night Ben cried for me for a while before I got home. I grabbed him, he kicked his little legs as fast as he could while crying when he saw me. I took him and nursed him as he looked at me with big eyes. He was sighing and holding my finger as tight as he could. I stroked his head and cheek and just looked at him forever. Those evenings I was free to just go and be gone as long as I want without a chance of a baby waking up for me are gone for now. And I don't miss it at all. I held him and just thought to myself that there is nothing better in the world than this. Ben has been fussy lately, he wants me. I am loving it to be honest. I know this time goes so fast and if it means being with my kids every second, I have no problem with it. I WANT to be with them. God has changed my perspective a lot lately. My kids are now on my side. When we are all having a rough day, we are in it together, they aren't against me. I care more about my house being messy with blanket forts and stuffed animals than a clean house. They matter so much and I couldn't be more thankful for this time in my life. I am all in.