I have a heavy heart. I'm not going to lie. I am angry. I am angry what has been drilled in me about raising children from dumb books and online forums. It is so hard to let all those words go. There is too much to explain for a blog, but I am slowly trying to become the mom I was made to be, but it is REALLY hard and REALLY painful. I mean it when I say really. It is like someone is tugging on me from both ends. My heart and motherly instincts on one side, and our cultures advice of parenting "methods." But as I sit here tonight after another day of hard HARD struggling with the reality of it, these children are my world. As I rocked Matthew for his nap and put him down in my bed for the first time, I just cried so hard over him over all the moments I have missed because I was trying to do what I was told to do and not always how I was made to be. I have not rocked Matthew to sleep in so long and I just thought to myself how badly he has needed this. He slept 3 hours on my bed and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.
I just have to share how beautiful these children are.