Wednesday, April 17, 2013


When i was a little girl i was called a "blonde" a lot. It stopped.
When i was 23 years old some one called me "blonde" and I went to another room and cried for a long time. I believed it.

A man is behind a little girl on a bike. I hear him say. "If you want to learn to ride a bike, you cannot be such a wimp"

I have never seen what my words can do to the extent that I saw it the other day.

I had a moment I am not too proud of. My 3 month old was screaming in my arms and my 2 year old Matthew was craving my attention. I could not give it to him and he lost it. I was tired, I was weak, I had nothing left in me. I was thankful that he hit me so I had a reason to put him in timeout so I could catch a break. I grabbed him by the arm, spoke rude and stern in his face, and put him in his room and shut the door. I heard mad yelling from Matthew that turned into sad, heartbreaking cries.

Ben fell asleep. All was quiet except little whimpers in the big kids room. I felt so lost. How do I even take care of this. He hit me. I need to tell him not to do that again. I hear sad cries again and my heart breaks for what he must think of himself. I get on my knees and ask God what in the world to do.

Thank You God. He spoke. He said, My kindness leads you to repentance. What is your end goal? You do not discipline your child to let him know he is bad. Just like I tell you how precious you are to me, you tell him. You let him know the person he is. Your words will break him down or build him up. Your words can make him not hit again because he is afraid of you, or not hit again because he knows what a loved person he is. 

I open his door. He is in the corner, slightly shaking. He yells at me, mad. He had every right. I walk up to him and he shouts "NO NO NO", gesturing for me to go away. I get down on my knees and put my hand out to him. Again, "NO". I remember what God said. So I tell him.

"Matthew, I Love you Soooo much. Dad. He loves you SO much too. I think you are such a gentle boy. You are so nice. You are so nice to Ben. I love how much you love to play cars with me. I love playing with you. Jesus loves you. You are like Jesus. I think you are beautiful."

He stops shaking. His eyes are staring straight into mine. And tears, tears of relief, stream down his face. There is no sound of crying, no shaking. Just shoulders that are relaxing and tears flowing from his eyes.

I keep telling him over and over again who he is in ways he would understand.
My words hit him hard. Many words, that needed to make up for the bad kid he felt he was.
He walked fast, grabbed my hand, and hugged me so hard I couldn't breath. He picked up his head and brought it around, staring in my face with tears streaming down his eyes as he says, "I love."
We hugged again and my words shot my actions to the ground.

I messed up and God taught me so much that day.  Every word we say to people has effect. It is who they end up thinking they are and who they often end up becoming. Words are so powerful. We can create our enemies to be more powerful and armed. We can create our spouses to be just as bad as we say they are. We can make that woman feel even more ugly, or that man even more like a failure. All by our words.

Oh our words, how they can cause people to become the person they never wanted to be. OR, our words can create people that will change the world because they have been told they are loved and worth it despite any mistake or flaw they have. How quick we critique and correct when so many great people sit silent because they have never been told who they are, just who they are not.

Day to day pours out speech,
    and night to night reveals knowledge. 

 There is no speech, nor are there words,
    whose voice is not heard. 

Their voice[b] goes out through all the earth,
    and their words to the end of the world.

                               Psalm 19:2-4


  1. Good to hear tonight. I was very upset with my boys this evening and I yelled at them, Ky laughed at me and it made me mad so I yelled even louder. Ethan started to cry, he was upset that I was yelling. I am so lost at times without Mike. I just sat on Ethan's bed and prayed out loud. I wanted to yell at God but instead I thanked him for Ethan and Kyler. I thanked Him for the fun we had outside and the bike ride and flying a kite. I thanked him for the laughter my boys have together. I asked him to help me to be a better mommy because I love these boys so much. I told him that I miss their daddy so much it hurts inside and out but that I am thankful He is in our lives and can be our daddy and husband and help us get through everyday. Thank you for sharing you heart with us tonight. I know I'm an older mom but we still go through the same sadness and you did good. Thank you

    1. Camille. I love you! It is so hard to give when you feel like you have nothing to give! You are a great mom and your boys know how much you love them!

  2. such a good reminder. thanks for writing this.

  3. you are such a good mom, don't feel too hard on yourself he shouldn't hit you, you're right! But beautiful way to come back and speak to your son. And I totally agree with you on the words are so powerful. The other day I remembered telling Andrew once time that he made my life harder, and I felt so ashamed. I'd like to think that I apologized, but I'm sure it hurt him. And it wasn't even true!! I hope God makes my heart kind and that will be what comes out of it!