I feel like a part of me doesn't feel brave anymore. I don't feel brave enough to step out into the dreams and plans God has on our life. I have become comfortable and desensitized and the realization that I have a choice of my path is hard. I have a choice to keep taking it easy and just cruise my way through life working my butt off just to have a condo on a golf course when I'm old or just holding onto the fact that I get to go to heaven when I die. Or I can step up to what God has for me here on earth and end life dirty and probably tired because I served people till the day I die, which always seems a bit harder, but always more beautiful. I am 100% certain of the things God has etched into my heart. Passions and desires. But they seem so far beyond my reach and scary to even think about stepping into. But with the Grace of God I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss stepping into who God has called me to be. At church we have been doing a series on our God given dreams for our life. One of the ways we can know what they or it may be is that it keeps coming up. When I ask God what it is, the same thing just takes the wind right out of me and I can't breath because it is exactly what I'm made for but so scary at the same time. I believe we are called to each day and each person God puts in front of us, but there is something unique that we each are given to take responsibility for.
So honestly, right now, I still don't feel brave. And that in itself scares the heck out of me because I don't want to miss it. I want this dream so badly but everything tells me that I'm not good enough for it and that it is outrageous to even think about stepping out of my comfortable life. I want those days back where I lay sobbing on my bed in compassion for those in need and nothing, NOTHING, could stop me from getting my arms around them, except God himself. My family is my ministry but God has more for us than we can imagine right now. I feel like I am all talk sometimes and it is time to stop.
So I am just trying to process it all and get rid of distractions and clear my head to hear His voice more clearly.